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Procrastination
Procrastination can be a real bitch. Yeah i said it, a bitch. The worst part of procrastination is the fact that it could have been avoided! I always feel so guilty. Like I know I could have been done with it by now and had some time to do other stuff, like watching T.V., working out, blogging (:P) or reading. And now it is even worse because it is the week before finals. Of course everything is due. Well I guess I shouldn't complain. I know people who have more things due. I mean all I have is a speech tomorrow (that I am actually excited about!), a paper about education that I haven't started (hopefully it is due thursday and not tomorrow), a portfolio for English, and a blog thing that I am 4 weeks behind in! I guess it wouldn't be that bad if I would actually start doing it. I really should have brought my T.V. back home this past weekend to get rid of a distraction. I mean there is no reason for me to have it now so close to finals. Though watching the news is important I think. But I guess the 2 hours of watching the new episodes of 90210 and Gossip Girl was a waste. I mean I could have really gotten far on my paper. Then again I do always end up finding something to distract myself with, even if I didn't have my T.V.
My favorite distraction is cleaning. I clean a lot, and I guess "coincidentally" I always end up doing laundry when I have papers due. I guess I will make a husband very happy or nuts one day ;) Tonight I have done 3 loads of laundry (got 1 left) and they were all small loads... Not too long ago I had a paper due. I was mentally AND physically exhausted. I felt so sick and thought I would barf (due to lack of food after a long day + exercise.) But I still manage to stay awake and procrastinate! I rearranged my room. Not quite sure how I managed. I mean the bed and desk is heavy as shit, and if you haven't seen me lately, I am close to muscle less (though that is slowly changing :D.) I managed to move my dest and bed around by myself. My super procrastinating muscle kicked it! lol The picture in the first block (below) is from a few days after I rearranged. My bed was in the middle of the room and my desk up against the wall. I am proud and do like it a lot more. And my very clever boyfriend told me it is calming because the sleeping area (being the bed) is away from the main traffic (the floor.) Though he used a specific term and sounded smarter then I do now.
Anyway. I guess I gotta stop here considering I have a speech tomorrow morning that I gotta rehearse and time. WISH ME LUCK :)
Though this picture was fitting. Procrastination caught on picture. I had to present this paper in class at 10 am the next day. The best part? Look at the Skype conversation in the corner. Conversation length: 59 minutes, 55 seconds...
Try to avoid procrastination if possible! Oh and a shout-out to the students (and of course Dr. Eyo) in the coolest 9:30 CMST 192 class! For you (if any) end up reading this! Thank You! :)
~Josephine
Weekend
Thought this was fitting considering I have not left my apartment since Friday
Trust Within = Fear?
Today, actually a few minutes ago, I stood in my hallway. With walls all around, I decided to spin around with my arms out. This hallway is not big might I add. If I would have moved a few inches over, i would have for sure hit my fingers. Even though I was in full control of what I was doing, I was still afraid. I did not have my arms out all of the way, even if I tried. My arms kept coming in closer to my body. What was I afraid of? Hitting my fingers against the wall? I am not quite sure... The more I spun apparently did not have an effect on my fear, because I was still scared. Maybe it is reflexes. Maybe my body knows not to do something if it knows it could easily get hurt. Maybe it is just because my body does not trust my terrible ballerina moves and realizes that the odds of me tumbling over and hitting the wall are very high... Maybe. But I was still scared. Even though I had total control. I was the only one moving, not the walls. Then what is it that did not let me spin with my arms fully out to the sides?
For those experts out there who think they know close to everything there is to know about the psychological way we behave in certain situation, theories can come from whatever and are everywhere. But is it actually real or is it just our bodies or brains that come up with these things just to make sense of things and give us closure, give us satisfaction to our mysteries? Multiple times a day I look at the way people behave, including myself, and give reasoning for it. It just comes to me and it makes sense. Those who know me, if they pay attention, can most likely catch me doing thing many times in conversations. It makes me feel better when I do this. I feel better because I feel smart and right. But am I right? Do I have such a big bias that I can not even tell if I am even close to right? Is it our subconscious that has the ultimate and last word in what we do?
Can we learn to ignore our trust? Can we learn to ignore our fears? Fear is our body protecting us from danger. Do we need that protection anymore to survive? Are we as a society more educated and smarter than our instincts? Our instincts our there for a reason. Yes, some fears may have been placed there by the individual themselves, but I am talking about the ones that have always been there since the first interaction with the fear. Something that are difficult to get over. I have a fear that contradicts myself. Heights. I am afraid of heights. When I was a little girl my father told me once that he was afraid of heights. I, being a daddy's girl, wanted to be just like him. I set my mind to it before I had even been in contact with heights. Thanks to that, I am till this day afraid of heights. I wonder if that fear is more then just a fear of height, maybe I am holding on to something.
One day, maybe I will be able to get over the security and be able to spin around in the hallway without my fear taking over? We will see...
http://chatter-fest.com/conquer-you-fear-of-height/
~Josephine
Space or Loner?
Is it a bad thing to be alone? Not alone as in not having a partner or friends, but physically being alone at times. I have heard people say that every time they go out to the grocery store they need someone with them. They will call up people to see if anyone wants to come with. To me, for the past few years it seems as if it is the norm to always be with someone, and if you are not, then you are emo or depressed. Maybe it has been like this, or maybe it is because for the past four year I have been at a high school here in the States and teenagers are going through some separation anxiety or some image problems. Is a person viewed as a loner if they go shopping alone? What does our society say is ok?
I was always ashamed to go shopping alone. When I think of it, I am not sure what I was ashamed of. Being judged? By who? Kids at my high school? Maybe it took getting away from them for me to realize that I do not care what they think. I know I am not a loner. I am very much loved by my family, friends and boyfriend, and especially by my sister Madeleine. I realized being alone is not a bad thing. Coming to college away from home has given me a lot of alone time, especially considering my boyfriend is close to 200 miles (322 km) away! Now every time I go out shopping or run errands, I prefer to do it alone. I get so much stuff done without needing to think of the needs of the person/people that I am with.
I believe everyone should have their own space, even if you share rooms with someone. I am a freshman in college but have my own room and bathroom. I share an apartment with three other girls, but we only share kitchen, living room, and laundry. I like having my own room. My own space is my room. I like spending time here, especially alone. This is my space where I can do whatever and decorate the way I want. This is where I can come to relax and re fuel myself. I can think about myself here and not about everyone else and their problems. The more time I spend paying attention to myself, the more I feel fulfilled and happy. I feel the happiness inside. I get all warm and can't help but smile. I believe everyone needs some place and time alone without worries.
I love being with people and doing crazy stuff, but sometimes I feel being alone is so relaxing and I need it at times. Space is good, but what about too much space? When do you know when you should get space? Yes, some people might not need much space. It is up to each individual to realize if they want space or not. You can feel yourself when you need space. I feel it in my gut when I know I need alone time. I feel so stressed out, overwhelmed and panicked.
I love being alone at times. I think It is very important for individuals to realize when they need alone time. Relaxing and taking some time alone makes a great difference in our own image of ourself.
My room means a lot to me. It is my space.
~Josephine
